
How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids by Jancee Dunn
I admit that when I first saw this book on a list of popular books for parents, the title made me roll my eyes, but I was pleasantly surprised. Part memoir, part self-help, it generally manages to pass along advice without being condescending. Perhaps this is because the author does not shy away from detailing her own poor behavior (including legitimate verbal abuse) and its role in the less-than-ideal state of her marriage. Is this going to be helpful for everyone? No. It is geared towards monogamous, heterosexual relationships, and the studies she cites reflect that (although she does note that this is often because research on queer and nontraditional families is sorely lacking). However, it serves as a good reminder to reflect on our communication style and gives some hard-won tips for improving it. She describes her encounters with several different professionals, including a financial therapist and a hostage negotiator, and shares how they applied their (usually stern) suggestions and how they affected her family. She also references the work of the Gottmans, of Gottman Method couples therapy fame, and implements several of their strategies. I appreciated that she is not trying to sell a miracle cure, here. She states up front that it took over a year to really make the changes into habits, the rules rather than the exceptions. But as she makes changes, she improves her relationship with not only her husband and child, but also herself. I wouldn't necessarily recommend this one to buy and keep on your shelf for reference, but definitely check to see if your library has a copy or buy it as a tongue-in-cheek baby shower gift (If you'd like to support independent bookstores and my community work while you do that, you can buy this book or others I recommend at BookShop.org.
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