First described in 2007, D-MER occurs during letdown and ranges from mild to severe. As it is a relatively new diagnosis, we are still learning about the causes and treatment. It typically resolves with time (from a few months to past a year, depending on severity). Though it lasts only a few minutes at a time, a baby's frequent feedings means it can be a significant burden. Clinical studies are limited (as with so many things related to the female body), but there is plenty of anecdotal evidence, and interest in the subject is growing. Some hypothesize that it is due to a drop in dopamine, while others believe that oxytocin is triggering the fight-or-flight response in order to protect the baby.
It is important to remember that it is a reflex, and not a reflection of you as a parent. You cannot cure it with pure willpower, and it does not mean you don't love your child. The pressure to cherish every moment is immense, with loved ones and even strangers proclaiming constantly that "You'll miss this time soon" and "They're not little for long", and I wonder if this phenomenon would be more understood if we were encouraged instead of shamed for being honest about all aspects of our experience.
I experienced symptoms of D-MER with my second child. For me, it was a sudden feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. When I brought up D-MER as a possibility to my OB, they had no idea what I was talking about. There is no "cure" for D-MER at this time, but, as with many things, simply being able to put a name to it and knowing that you are not alone can help us cope. For some, lowering caffeine intake and focusing on hydration can help ease symptoms.
If you'd like more information, check out www.d-mer.org. Also, Episode 3 of the Milk Minute Podcast focuses on this subject.
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